The Socialization Fallacy

Some reflections on the most common and frustrating objection to homeschooling...

I’m growing weary of hearing people say, “wow, I never would’ve guessed you were homeschooled.” They don’t mean it the way I’m hearing it. They aren’t trying to sound condescending. I think they don’t know any better.

I really don't feel like repeating the same old defenses of homeschooling that I have been forced time and again to trot out in answer to cliches like "what about socialization"... really that's the only argument anyone uses anymore, as any intelligent person can see the utter failure of the public school system to provide anything more than indoctrination. The last argument I heard was that, if your children are homeschooled, you have to spend *gasp* every minute that they aren't in school trying to get them the socialization they miss by not being in school. Fine, I'll go around looking for bullies and tattle-tales and skanks and other unpleasant characters of my child's age for them to associate with. I believe a boy would be better educated by spending his days with Tom Sawyer. At least Tom could read all those adventure stories that got him into trouble by filling his young head with dreams of... well... something other than a sissified, emasculated, PC regimen, wherein the girls are not girls and the boys are not boys, there are no ladies worth saving nor battles worth fighting, and the ultimate purpose of life is to achieve, not wisdom or excellence or holiness or any other worthy mark, but sameness with your fellow persons. (Yeah, it's a long sentence, read it again and deal with it).

I got socialization out my ass as a homeschooler, and no, we didn't spend every hour seeking it out. Spring and fall I played baseball; summers I went to the pool for swimming lessons and, later, to work; winters I played basketball or did theater. In highschool I spent some time in youth group. I played outside with the neighbor kids, who didn't seem to mind in the least that I was homeschooled, as I was still good at baseball and roller hockey and getting dirty just to annoy our mothers. I did things with homeschoolers, and I did things with public schoolers, and y'know what, I did things just with my family, too. By far the norm growing up was an evening at home, and if we went out, we went as a family, usually. My friends' parents were my parents' friends, and vice versa. I learned to speak politely and well to my elders, to tolerate (occasionally with great annoyance) my juniors, and to enjoy the company of my peers. I dealt with bullies (not well, but what kid does). I liked girls and flirted with them in the same incompetent way that all boys do (by annoying them to get their attention). I had friends and enemies. Sometimes I was a little brat. I'm sure I caused my parents no end of trouble. Isn't this what every kid does? My parents were not slaves to my social life. Indeed, they had the ability to guide it and observe, occasionally with more interference than I'd have liked, but never being tyrannical. If you asked me what I did of an evening as a kid, I'd tell you my family played games and listened to my dad read classic literature aloud. As I grew older the games changed and the reading abated. I rarely was bored, anymore than any other kid.

So was I cheated, or were my parents placed under unnecessary strain to see I got my proper "socialization" (a word, by the way, which makes me cringe)? I doubt it. Were my parents perfect? I doubt it, but then again neither was I (nor will I be when, God willing, I have kids of my own), and neither are any parents, regardless of where their children are educated (or socialized). Am I an exception, a shining example of homeschooling gone miraculously sort of maybe not terribly wrong? I don't know. I know plenty of kids in public and private schools that came out sort of okay, and plenty who went horribly wrong. (See how it sounds... sounds arrogant, don't it?) Some of the ones who went horribly wrong early got their shit straightened out, and some didn't, and some of the ones who went pristinely correct are in for a tough time of it when they find out that life is not full of teachers who can inflict sameness on everyone, and protect you from problems and challenges and hard stuff. Was I sheltered? Maybe. And maybe what most people call sheltered isn't a bad thing. Maybe there's just some shit that kids aren't supposed to deal with at certain ages, and maybe it's worth it to let boys pull the occasional stupid escapade, and leave off the detailed description of the reproductive act until they're, I don't know, capable of dealing with it. And maybe rather than letting the schools teach our children that sex is a game and cap guns are WMDs, just maybe we ought to let the parents have some say in raising their children to be men, and gentlemen, and ladies, rather than persons. And maybe it's time that parents remember that children are a responsibility, that being a parent means growing the hell up and acting like an adult, and loving your child the best you know how. Maybe homeschooling ain't the way to do that. I'm just a simple southern boy, and not too bright about some things, but I think it's a fair start.